26th Mar, 2010. 1:28pm

I have sort of neglected this blog, i apologise. i contribute more to my tumblr nowadays (pawk.tumblr.com).
I've decided I'll make my blogspot much more important than mentioned above, so I'll occasionally add to this rather than daily contribute to my other. Stick with me though, I'm not going too far.

17th Mar, 2010. 10:53

sometimes, I wish I was a hopeless romantic. I like to read novels with relationships in them because that's as romantic as I get (and that's not even romantic on my behalf). I don't think I'm going to have what characters in a book have, how pessimistic.
sometimes, I wish I wasn't so afraid to be lovingly intimate with a person.
I can't even properly imagine myself doing something romantic for somebody. It's like Ive deprived myself the feeling of being in love with somebody because of doubt and clouded perceptions. do I do this on purpose, or is it just who I am ?
is it a few trust issues ?
Is it because I've been broken those few times, enough to not ever to be truly happy and in love with somebody again ?


I know I'm 18 and have the world ahead of me, but this is a human thing. everyone wants to be loved, I just selfishly don't believe I have it in me to love and be in love with.


thing is, it's the hopeless romantics that don't die lonely...

1st Mar, 2010. 12:32pm

It's time to turn over a new page, conveniently it is the 1st day of March.

I've noticed that during the month of February, I went off the rails a little.I'm not normally one to be so dramatic over everything, not so selfish, not so demanding... When I went out drinking, I wouldn't stop drinking. I just haven't been myself. That is going to change.
I'm putting my feet back on the earth again. Not worrying over little things and put others before me again. I had no idea I was going the wrong direction until my own flesh and blood broke down in front of me and told me. There's nothing worse than hurting the ones you love. So it's clear to say I woke up to myself. I'm not all that keen to go out drinking every weekend, I want to spend more time with my family and close friends. And by close, I mean the 4 that mean the most to me.

Time to start a fresh, starting from... NOW !

22nd Feb, 2010. 4:47pm

I had a panic attack a few days ago, I hadn't had one since last year. It scared the living daylights out of me and now I am reminded of how horrific they really are.
I don't wish them on anyone, even my enemies.

Tafe has been interesting. I'm studying Information Technology cert III, an odd choice of study for me but I'm sticking to it. It's part time evening classes and I'm the baby of the class, plus the most inexperienced. I see this as a positive, when it comes down to it I have all these older people to go to for help. Hello mummies and daddies of the classroom !

I am reading a Nick Hornby book at the moment, A Long Way Down. It's interesting, I'll keep you posted.

9th Feb, 2010. 4:25pm

So I got my hair purple enough, hooray ! I look like a walking chupa chup. It's an interesting look I must say.

A good friend has left for the Army, sort of put things into perspective. I now want to spend more time with my real friends, they're not going to be here forever.
Last Friday night I went to a venue I've always tried to avoid, it turned out to be quite enjoyable. I got intoxicated without purchasing drinks and I saw a previous boyfriend from 5 years ago.
It was great, easy to say I spent a good few hours with him catching up and having a laugh. I even got a rose, my first rose. Ain't that a little cute.

Things in the bedroom are going quite nicely, sharing a room with my mate that is. Our room is an utter mess all of the time but it is nice to have a friend around all the time. Haven't got sick of her yet, don't think I will either. And if you are wondering, she is not my girlfriend. Nor are we minge munchers. We are cock crunchers who prefer not to crunch the cock. harhar.

I'm going out to party tonight, let go a little. Peace.

4th feb 2010, 10:05am

I can't get my hair purple enough, it is tiring. I won't stop trying until I am satisfied !

On an entirely different note, what is up with formspring ? It is the worst fad in life. Doesn't anyone have the balls to be honest to someone to their face or ask questions without being anonymous ? It is lame beyond belief, I will shave all of my hair off before I get formspring.

This weekend I am going to see my step parents in Goulborne. It will be nice, we don't do much when we are there but they're really cool people.

And apart from that, not much else is happening.

Oh, except one of the kittens did a poo in the handbasin. That was... uh, gross.

1st Feb 2010, 11:09am

Today is a new beginning for me. A new yet already good friend has moved in with my family and I am eating healthier. As well as getting up relatively earlier than usual, which might I add is one difficult task.

Recently I have had my fair share in being judged incorrectly and bullied. I've let go of a lot of humans from my friendship circle, leaving about 4 people left.

I dont mind whatsoever, I'm feeling more appreciated by these 4 amazing humans than I have ever before.

Oh, I got my lip re-pierced too. My face doesn't feel so naked now.

28th jan 2010, 9:31pm.

Isn't this beautiful ? It's an artwork by Rik Lee, he lives in Melbourne and is inspired by deadlines.

To me, when you look at his artwork it's as if it is just for you. A personal Drawing made entirely for you with love.

I am going to get this artwork tattooed on my arm.

I am not entirely sure of much else going on this year. One thing I am sure of, is that this year I will have something beautiful on my skin Rik Lee inspired.

Marvel, riklee.worpress.com/